


'Twas My Own Heart, Dilly Dilly

by loveheartlover



Category: Glee
Genre: De-Aged, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:15:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2126502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveheartlover/pseuds/loveheartlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Klaine Bingo prompt "de-aged". </p><p>----<br/>Kurt isn’t sure how his life became… well, this.</p><p>There is a baby lying on a rug in his bathroom, sucking on its toes and squealing with delight whenever Kurt twitches his lips or wrinkles his nose. It has a mess of black curls atop its head, chubby cheeks, and it’s-</p><p>Look, he’s just going to say it. Maybe saying it out loud while make things a little bit easier to deal with.</p><p>“My fiancé has been turned into a baby.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Twas My Own Heart, Dilly Dilly

Kurt isn’t sure how his life became… well, this.

There is a baby lying on a rug in his bathroom, sucking on its toes and squealing with delight whenever Kurt twitches his lips or wrinkles his nose. It has a mess of black curls atop its head, chubby cheeks, and it’s-

Look, he’s just going to say it. Maybe saying it out loud while make things a little bit easier to deal with.

“My fiancé has been turned into a baby.”

Yeah, no. Still sounds insane. If Kurt takes baby Blaine to the doctor, he’ll get his fiancé taken away, and he’ll be sent for a mental health assessment. Kurt doesn’t even know how it happened. Blaine answered the phone, listened to whoever was speaking on the other end for thirty seconds and then _poof_. Literally. Blaine had disappeared in a cloud of white powder, and in his place was a heap of clothes wrapped around a helpless infant.

But it was Blaine. Kurt knew it was. He’d seen the photo albums of Blaine as a baby, and even the birthmarks matched up. The baby before him really is Blaine, and Kurt’s just going to have to deal with it until he finds a solution.

Maybe Google can help.

Baby Blaine starts mumbling around his toes, entirely unaware of Kurt’s crisis. “Okay. Okay we can handle this. We can handle this,” Kurt says. “Blaine, baby, can you understand me?”

Blaine stares up at Kurt, eyes blank, drool running down his chin.

“Is that a no? Blink twice if you can understand me.”

Blaine keeps staring. Then he goes back to trying to squeeze his entire foot into his mouth, before gagging on his own toes.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Kurt says, hooking Blaine’s foot out of mouth and sitting him on his lap. “I need you to stay alive until we fix this. How many times have I told you not to answer the phone to unknown callers, hmm? If you just listened we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Ah?”

“Yes, Blaine. Ah.”

Kurt’s legs suddenly feel oddly warm. And wet. And Blaine looks very pleased with himself.

“Please tell me you didn’t.”

“Gah.”

After Blaine has been safety pinned into a makeshift towel diaper, Kurt puts him into the large cardboard box their new bedroom cabinet had come in, and gets to work freaking out. He paces around the living room, sitting on different pieces of furniture and then standing and moving to another. Blaine’s content to sit and babble to himself, blowing raspberries whenever Kurt is away from the box for too long, making him come back to check on him. Kurt’s not so far gone in panic that he can’t notice how absolutely adorable his fiancé is. Any babies they have should definitely be made using a Blaine cocktail if their kids will end up as cute as this.

One of Kurt’s pacings take him through the pile of white powder by the phone. He gets a cloth from the kitchen and begins to clean the mess up out of instinct. As his fingers brush over the soft substance, he frowns. It’s familiar, plucking at long ago memories. He rubs some between his fingers, lifts it to his nose to smell, and it finally clicks. Baby talcum powder. Of course.

The phone rings. The number display says Cooper, and Kurt promptly throws himself onto the sofa cushions. How is he going to explain to Cooper what’s going on? Maybe he could say Blaine was out. Except it was coming up to 10pm, and Blaine was always home by 9 on weekdays. Everyone knew that.

Oh god, weekdays.

Kurt was going to have to call Blaine’s boss in the morning and tell him Blaine was sick. Chickenpox, maybe, that’d keep him off work for the rest of the week, right? After all, Blaine would be back to normal in a few days. Wouldn’t he?

The phone keeps on ringing, until Kurt has no choice but to answer. “Hello?”

“Kurt, oh thank god. Look, is Blaine there?”

“No, he’s gone to bed. He has a headache.”

There’s a long silence, and then Cooper says, “I think you might be lying.”

“Why would I lie about Blaine going to bed?”

Another silence, even longer than the first, interrupted only by the faint ticking of the clock in the kitchen. And then Kurt actually starts paying attention to the conversation he’s having.

“Why do you want to talk to Blaine?”

Cooper coughs. “Has anything… weird, I guess, happened lately?”

“Weird in what way?”

Oh Kurt knows what way. Kurt knows exactly what way, and if Cooper is really responsible for Blaine’s currently predicament, Kurt is calling Rachel and getting her to go over to Cooper’s place in LA, and then she can slap him since Kurt is too far away to do it himself. That’ll tide him over until the next Anderson family reunion.

Maybe she can even film it for him.

“Oh you know, the usual. Blaine hasn’t gotten any shorter? Or lost control of his bowels? Or started crying? Just a few examples,” Cooper adds hurriedly.

Kurt pulls up Rachel’s number on his cellphone.

“What did you do?”

“It wasn’t my fault! I swear, I never meant for it to happen, she found his number on my cell and realised the same surname meant we were probably related so she called and she cast the spell and then she stormed out! I ran straight after her and got her to come back but-”

“What do you mean, she cast a spell? Who did? What spell? There’s no such thing as spells, not ones that actually work!”

“And that is how I know you’ve never been to Los Angeles. Things are kind of different here.”

Kurt holds the phone away from his ear, closes his eyes, and rubs his forehead. He’s not got the patience to deal with Cooper’s rambling, and magic being real or not is utterly irrelevant so long as Blaine is going to be okay. The phone reluctantly gets returned to his ear. “What did she do to Blaine?”

“Oh,” Cooper stops talking about barriers and moon cycles and sounds much chirpier when he replies, “basic pinpoint age reduction. I’m not sure how young she made him, but he’ll grow back up in a couple of days. Until then you’re just going to have to run with it.”

“Run with it,” Kurt echoes. “The man I am meant to marry in six months has been turned into an infant, and you want me to just _run with it_? What if he doesn’t age up? What then, huh? What do I tell Dad? What do I tell _your_ parents? Actually, scratch that, you can tell them. What did you even do to make her turn Blaine into a baby?”

“He’s a baby?” Cooper sounds delighted. “Oh he was always such a sweet baby, can he do his rolling over headstand thing? Kurt it’s so cute, you’ll love it. If he does do it, I need you to get a video and put it on youtube, we’ll be famous!”

“Cooper!”

“Kurt, it’s fine. Melinda has assured me that she holds no ill will towards Blaine, so she’s already put the spell reversal in place. If it doesn’t lift naturally in forty-eight hours, the spell will force him back to himself. She says he won’t remember anything, so just tell him he got sick or something.”

“I’m not going to lie to him.”

“But he’ll be mad at me!”

“Well then you shouldn’t have made your weird witchy friend _person_ mad enough to curse your little brother!”

“Kurt, please-”

“Goodnight, Cooper,” Kurt snaps, and he slams the phone down. The effect is ruined by the phone bouncing out of its cradle from the force, but he takes comfort in Blaine apparently not being capable of remembering any of the embarrassing things Kurt is bound to do in the next two days. Like putting Blaine’s diapers on backwards, or not knowing how to heat a bottle. Will Blaine even need a bottle? When do babies eat solid food? There aren’t any diapers in the apartment either, but maybe the nice lady on the third floor will lend him a few? And what are they going to do about _clothes_?

Kurt replaces the handset a second time, and then puts his cellphone down beside it. He can call Rachel and get her to slap Cooper in the morning. Right now he needs to find a pattern for some baby clothes online, and break out the sewing machine. He can’t take Blaine into a baby shop in a towel diaper and nothing else!

Blaine’s apparently bored of the box and being ignored by Kurt; his lips pucker when Kurt reaches for the laptop and not him. Within seconds the apartment is filled with Blaine’s howls, and Kurt knows the neighbors will be knocking any second if he can’t get him quietened down. The problem being, Kurt’s no good with babies. He never went in for the babysitting thing, if he needed money he just worked a few shifts at the garage. His cousins are older or about his age, there were never any babies at the family gatherings for him to be forced to mind. If it weren’t for the few minutes he’d spent with Robin Sylvester, his experience with babies would be a big fat zero.

But this is Blaine.

Kurt won’t leave him crying.

 


End file.
